Questioning My Calling

On Wednesday January 24, 2018 I was meditating on the Word of God. For the very first time in my Christian life of 11 years I heard the audible voice of God and this is what He said “One day you will raise a church”. This was something  that freaked me out, if I am being honest, Why? Because the voice I heard sounded just like my voice, so I had to ask myself… am I going crazy?

Keith and Ragesh

Rajesh and Me

Two days later on Friday January 26th at 9:50PM God gave me my answer. That night I met with my Christian Brother Rajesh who loves God more than most men I have met. I told him I thought God had given me a message… he was very excited to hear this and told me God had also given him one. When I shared the story, he just nodded and smiled… so I asked him what message he heard from God. He said, God told him I was going to be called into Ministry.

This BLEW me away and I started talking to different Pastors I know about this matter… there were so many questions I had… where do I start? How could he use me to Pastor? I have other plans for my life, this is insane!

Flash forward to today, nearly eight months later to the day, and I have not taken ONE step forward on the path to my calling. The excuse I give myself goes like this… College is too expensive, I want to go the Grand Canyon University but by the time I finish Seminary I will have a student loan debt of nearly $50,000… and my wife and I are really trying to focus on getting and staying debt free. I don’t have the funds to pay my way through College as I go, so I am just stuck for the moment.

But as I said that is just an excuse, maybe the real truth is that I’m afraid. Maybe the calling is too great. Maybe I know the man I have been in my life and don’t want to risk leading a church and then one day possibly falling back into pornography. Maybe I feel like putting myself on a stage to give a sermon is the last thing I need to do, my pride has been a huge struggle in my life… how much more prideful could I become at the pulpit?

When I sit here writing these thoughts out I can see how the enemy has filled me with doubts and fear. We know that our God is not a God of confusion, but of clarity. Back in January God gave me that clarity, then He waited to see what I would do… and now we know: Nothing.

But that nothing, has to end here and now. So today I reached out to Grand Canyon University to request the information I need to begin the fall semester. It’s time to start taking those steps forward and allow God to correct my path as I go.

Share Your Thoughts

Should someone who is called into the Ministry be concerned about the financial cost of Bible School?

Does God call the prepared, or does He prepare the Called?

Is it normal to doubt God’s Calling?

How many confirmations would you need to follow the Call of God?


8 thoughts on “Questioning My Calling

  1. That’s encouraging that you’ve decided to attend the university. I know that I would be rather lost if I had not. Still in and loving it. University gives me focus and structure to my learning which I greatly value.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Yes it has. However, I first experienced a technical college and then paused to continue my education, then found that my life here and now, and the potential for my intellectual growth in Christ would be wasted if I could not have access to the scholastic table in biblical discussions.

        After much introspection, I personally don’t care how much it will cost, I’ll pour every past check I have into it for my joy to know and learn.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, sometimes the Lord DOES call the prepared, but many times He prepares the called. How many times did Gideon ask God for confirmation? What about Abraham? Yes, I believe if He has called you to Bible College, He will provide the funds; you may have to have a job to help with the funds as part of His provision for you, He’s very creative in how He supplies; never early, never late-Just In Time so He gets the glory! Stop letting the enemy box your ears and step out in faith because you know the Lord IS faithful Brother Keith!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So far as whether or not one should be concerned about the financial aspects of things, to an extent I would view Philippians 4:19 as the answer to that question. God would in fact provide means if it was his plan for you to attend seminary. At the same time, debt is a valid concern and it doesn’t hurt to be cautious, especially if you’re not entirely certain that going to the particular Bible school in question would guarantee that you’re “raising up a church” immediately after graduating. At one time or another it was suggested that I should attend seminary as well, to which I replied that if it was God’s will I was in. The thing is, I seemed to have received no verifications from above that it was anything more than one person’s suggestion. Just because somebody says, “I think you should do this! The Lord is with you in it!” does not mean a particular choice or calling is actually what God wants. I think it is very important to test these kinds of things and get some feedback from God as to whether or not something that has occured actually means he is pointing you in a specific direction. If you read my commentary posts on Matthew 24 back at my blog, I especially point out the “signs and wonders” that will be done by false prophets, the miracle working power manifested by Satan just prior to the second coming, and the unclean spirits foretold to go before the kings of the earth to “gather them to the battle of that great day of God almighty” just before the end of time. It is important to test everything by the Bible and have a distrust of our senses.


  4. I know and pray the Lord will reveal and confirm what He wants you to do. He will equip you with everything you need to accomplish His work! May His will be done! God is with you brother! Even if you end up not going to seminary, there are many ways God could use you to raise up a church. Either way, God will see it through to completion! Amen!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes God can call the prepared. But He certainly prepares everyone He calls. The most important thing is to follow the calling wherever it may leads, even if it is to Grand Canyon Uni. – cost not withstanding! Smiles!

    Most people God called had doubts. But even when there doubts, we should continue trusting God. That’s a contradiction? No! There is a reason this prayer is found in the Bible, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:23-25.

    Liked by 1 person

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