An Open Letter to Porn Addicted Christian Men

Dear Brothers in Christ,

On this blog I have written extensively on the harmful effects and devastation that viewing pornography brings into your life. I have shared my testimony of how pornography addiction nearly destroyed everything in my life… my marriage, my job, my health, and my position in the local church.

Today I want to write to you, man to man, brother to brother. If you are caught up in a secret habit of pornography it is time to take a stand and bring it to the light. I know what you are thinking… you can never tell anyone, it would ruin everything. Your wife would be devastated, your marriage might fall apart, you might lose your job, you might be shamed at church, your children… what would they think?

You need to understand something… all of those thoughts are not your own… they are whispers from an enemy that wants to destroy EVERYTHING in your life. You see the enemy wants you to keep everything hidden away in the darkness, this is where sin grows. They know if you bring your habit into the light of day, the hold it has over you will evaporate.

Believe me, I understand how incredibly difficult it is to tell ANYONE about a secret porn addiction… but that is exactly what you need to do, before it is too late. If you find yourself mindlessly watching porn with deep levels of regret afterwards you are addicted my friend… and just like any other addiction you need to take it very seriously.

At this point there is no question in my mind, if this article was written for you, that you desperately want help, you desperately want to quit this habit for good. So where do you go from here? The first step is to STOP watching porn, which means you will need to get some digital protection on your devices… RIGHT NOW. There are many programs that help in this area, but as you may know from reading my blog, I highly recommend Covenant Eyes which I have personally used for years with great success. Get something installed on your devices as soon as possible, you need to put defensive walls up quickly.

Next you need to come clean about your addiction, this is going to be the toughest step at first… but once you take it… the most exhilarating and life changing. You have to decide who you are going to share your struggle with. My advice is to seek out trusted counsel within your local church, preferably a member of the Pastoral staff. Most churches today either have programs to help you, or a list of other churches in the area that do. Once you have sat down with your Pastor, it is time to prayerfully approach your wife. You  need to be honest with her about your addiction, and commit to her that you will get the help you need. Show her the steps you have already taken (the software and the support group), deeply apologize to her – she will be in a lot of emotional pain at first… but if you approach her prayerfully it is my hope she will come along side you to support you in your recovery.

You need to realize something very important, in most everyone’s eyes pornography IS a form of adultery… it is certainly the case in your wife’s mind. This means, Biblically speaking, she has every right to divorce you. Let that sink in for a moment. She could divorce you, take your children and she would have every right to do so. This is the incredibly dark and destructive nature of sin… particularly sexual sin. So it is VERY important that you get on your knees in prayer to the Lord before you have that conversation with your wife.

The last thing I want to encourage you to do is download and read my ebook Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction. This book is free and a very quick read… it outlines everything I have done to break free of porn. When Jesus shattered those chains in my life, I knew a huge part of my ministry was going to be helping other men find that freedom.

It may seem like you are so lost in your addiction that there is no way out. OR even worse you may think you can continue to hide your addiction and no one will find out. On both of those points you are DEAD WRONG (take it from someone who has been on the path ahead of you). You are never SO lost that Jesus Christ cannot restore you… and if you continue your life of hidden sin, you WILL be discovered… it’s only a matter of when.

Brother, you don’t have to live in darkness anymore and as a Christian man God wants and expects more for you… He wants you to live a life of victory. If you want to talk one on one, you can email me anytime… I will be here. Standtallforchrist@gmail.com

Stay Strong & Stand Tall

bottom-post-banner

ADDITIONAL ARTICLES:

EXTERNAL RESOURCES:

Advertisements

Take The 40 Day Porn-Free Challenge

Stand Tall For Christ exists to equip Christians around the world, to help them live a life of Victory in Jesus Christ. A major aspect of this ministry is to help other men (or women) escape the deadly bondage of Pornography. I have written extensively on this subject and invite you to visit the Overcoming Pornography Archives for more.

Today however I want to challenge YOU to accept a very special challenge. Now when I say YOU, I am referring to those who currently watch pornography, even if you don’t think you have a “problem”. If you believe or KNOW you are addicted to Porn, then this challenge is ESPECIALLY for you.

Years ago I was introduced to a company called Covenant Eyes. They provide accountability software that monitors all of my device use and then sends accountability reports to my team every week. I CANNOT express enough how important this software has been on my road to recovery and now on my continued path of victory. You will find links to Covenant Eyes all around this site, because I believe in their products and use their products. This company does have an affiliate program, which I utilize to help offset the costs of running this blog, but I have always recommended this company even before I was an affiliate. Because it works.

Now onto the 40 Day Challenge

If you click this banner, it will take you to the Covenant Eyes page where you can enter your email and join the 40 Day Challenge. Essentially, every day for 40 Days you will receive an email with articles, videos, encouragement and tools to help you stay far away from Porn for the next 40 Days. It doesn’t cost a dime.

My hope and my prayer is that after those 40 Days you will stay on that path for life and experience intimacy with your wife as God designed and intended. If you have any questions, praise reports or prayer requests you can either post them in the comments below or email me directly for privacy: standtallforchrist@gmail.com

Bottom-Post-Banner

What a Wife Should Do If Her Husband Is Caught Watching Pornography

joshua-rawson-harris-585942-unsplash
Photo By Joshua Rawson Harris on Unsplash

This is a very delicate subject and if you are a wife whose husband has been caught watching pornography… you are likely going through a firestorm of emotions. You probably feel betrayed, unworthy, unloved, unattractive… and it may feel like your world is crashing down around you. Every situation is different, you may have a husband who outwardly is a very dedicated Christian leader, perhaps a great father to his kids, and at some point was the husband you always dreamed of.

But something changed.

You start to take notice of certain things, you never noticed before. He has suddenly lost interest in you sexually or has become distant and detached emotionally. You may notice irritability or unstable emotions that weren’t there before. Then one day it happens, you catch him masturbating to pornography, or maybe you stumble upon his hidden pornography stored in some hidden folder on his computer… or vastly worse your children find it.

Your heart sinks, you feel sick, you cry out in a pain that can only be rivaled by a few things. You are now completely unsure of your future. If he is hiding this secret, what else is he hiding you ask yourself. Is there another woman involved? Is he planning to leave you and the kids? Does he have a second life, a mistress on the side? Why is he always running late at work?

These thoughts overwhelm you to the point that you feel completely lost, not just in life, but even in yourself. You have given everything to this man, you have loved him… sacrificed everything to be with him… have remained loyal to him… and this is the bitter result.

What do you do?

Your first instinct may be to run, to gather the kids and head for the hills. Indeed, you could even back up your decision Biblically if needed, as most would consider pornography as a form of Adultery. You tell yourself you can never trust him again, you have no idea what other lies may be tucked away in his life.

But can I offer you another path? Forgiveness. There are three things I want you to take away from this article that are VERY important.

  1. Your husband needs help. Depending on how addicted he is to pornography it could require MASSIVE measures to break free. In this moment of pain, it is hard to think of your husband as needing help, as he is the offender and you are the victim. But I would ask you to frame it differently in your mind… the ENEMY (the Devil and his minions) are the real offenders and your marriage and family are the victims. Your husband has fallen into a very deadly trap that Satan has been using since the dawn of time to destroy men. The same trap I fell into and countless others. This is NOT a “get out of jail FREE card” for your husband, he still has to accept his responsibility in this. He made his choices, and recognizing this will be the very first step on his path to recovery. However, please be aware there are forces at work trying to kill, steal and destroy EVERYTHING. Your marriage included.
  2. Your husband’s pornography addiction is not a reflection of anything you have done, the way you look, or his love for you. All the years I was addicted to porn, I still loved my wife immeasurably, I was simply lost in a world of darkness. Jesus came to my rescue and He can do the same for your husband.
  3. There is hope for a better future. Your husband can break free of pornography, millions of men have found freedom. Our testimony as Christians is always being written and when we overcome an area in our life like pornography, two things happen, God gets all the glory as He should and our testimony will help others find freedom. One day as crazy as it sounds you may be counseling other women who have caught their husbands as you have.

Now, if you want to fight for your marriage, this is what I recommend. Get on your knees and become a Prayer Warrior over your husband. The power of a praying wife CANNOT be understated. This I can speak of from experience as my Prayer Warrior Wife helped me find Christ when I was lost in Atheism and again when I was addicted to Pornography, Anger and Pride.

I remember the day vividly, just after I was caught secretly watching pornography, that my wife came into my room crying. She told me that day “Jesus never gave up on her, and she would never give up on me.” Emotion fills me as I write about it here today… what a powerful statement of love. I am so thankful that Jesus blessed me with her.

As you pray over your husband (and don’t stop) his behavior must be brought into the light. Depending on circumstances, the truth must be told to a trusted Christian friend, mentor or leader within the Church. This is something you should decide together. If your husband serves in Ministry then the Pastor must be made aware so he can decide the best path forward.

If you have just caught your husband in the act, and have yet to tell anyone, have a long conversation with him. Tell him how much he has hurt you, he needs to hear it. If you two decide to stand together against this… which is my prayer, then he is going to have to man up and fight.

Here are some resources to help you on this path dear Sister.

Additionally I want to point you to a very special blog… Tears in a Bottle “A Safe Haven for Wounded Hearts” is not only the tagline of this site but what it represents at every level. Cynthia is a living example of the healing power of Jesus Christ no matter how broken-hearted we may be, and her stories come from a place of honesty and transparency.  Please visit her site and be blessed by her writings as I have.

We recently released my new ebook “Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction” and you can get your copy completely free. All you have to do is click here or on the image below to download the free PDF now.

chains-broken

bottom-post-banner

Podcast Episode #3: Talking to Men with Pornography Addiction

Podcast Banner

Episode 3 of our weekly podcast is now available, this week I have a conversation with men who struggle with pornography addiction, plus what it means to “know God”.

GET-EBOOK-BANNER

Do you have a question you would like to have answered in a future podcast? Comment below. We will try to answer as many questions as possible.

5 Symptoms of Pornography Addiction

dan-musat-128311-unsplash
Photo by Dan Musat via Unsplash

In today’s world, particularly in America, it is commonplace and widely acceptable to watch pornography. So much so, that many wives have accepted the fact that their husbands have porn collections around the house or on the computer. Friends openly joke about it as it has become a cultural norm. Even popular shows like Game of Thrones have scenes every episode that would have been considered pornography just a few decades ago.

Thankfully within the Christian community there still remains some semblance of reality as it pertains to the destructive nature of pornography. Sadly that doesn’t mean Christians are exempt from its harmful effects, in fact the opposite is true, as a large number of men in the Church secretly and some openly watch pornography on a regular basis.

In a recent Men’s group I was leading, there were about 8 men, and I asked them to be honest and raise their hand if they were currently watching pornography. Half of the men raised their hands and half of those men didn’t believe there was anything wrong with it!

As I have written over and over, pornography is one of the deadliest addictions facing our world today (not physically but spiritually). Many men who watch regularly still don’t consider it an addiction, and so they keep watching over and over and over. Identifying the problem as an addiction puts it in a new category of personal issues they have to deal with, so many men actively avoid this truth as they embrace their secret or open sin.

Right now however I want to address the men or women who watch pornography and truly wonder if they might be facing an addiction in their life.

Here are 5 symptoms of Pornography Addiction:

  1. You frequently watch pornography and hide this activity from your wife/girlfriend (or husband/boyfriend).
  2. You find it more difficult to perform sexually with your spouse, but have no problems while watching porn.
  3. All sense of reason and logic leave you when have a sudden urge to watch porn. The possibility of losing your Marriage or other serious consequences have no power to stop you.
  4. You feel deep shame and regret after watching pornography but still find yourself returning to it over and over.
  5. You often feel powerless over the urges to watch porn when they overtake you. You want to stop but still find yourself going back, often times when life is most stressful.

If this describes you, I want to encourage you to seek help immediately. The enemy uses shame and guilt to make sure your secret sin stays hidden, and the only way to disable this common trap is to expose it to as much light as possible.

“Sin cannot live in the light as it is a product of darkness.”

If you are a Christian reading this, seek trusted counsel from your Church leadership and prayerfully prepare yourself for the next important step: telling your wife or husband and fighting for your Marriage.

There are a lot of resources here on this blog to help you fight your way free of this addiction, but most importantly I want you to know… you are not alone. If you want to talk with someone in confidence, I will listen, and I will not judge you. We are Brothers in Arms on the same battlefield, in the same fox hole.

“My name is Keith, I a faithful follower of Jesus Christ,
and I struggle with lust and pornography”

Resources:

GET-EBOOK-BANNER

We recently released my new ebook “Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction” and you can get your copy completely free. All you have to do click the image above or below to download the free PDF.

chains-broken

Bottom-Post-Banner

Overcoming Pornography

archives images-banner

This is a collection of STFC articles and resources for overcoming Pornography and Sex Addiction. More will be added here as they are written. You will always find a link to this article on the front page of the website.

ARTICLES:

RESOURCES:

GET-EBOOK-BANNER

We just released my new ebook “Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction” and you can get your copy completely free. All you have to do is click the image above or below to dowload the PDF.

In this ebook is every step I took to gain freedom from sexual addiction and pornography. You are not only free to read it, you are also free to distribute it as you see fit with only two restrictions. One you cannot modify the PDF in any way and two you cannot charge money for it or include it with any offer that requires a purchase. It must be freely given and distributed.

chains-broken