Dear Brothers in Christ,
On this blog I have written extensively on the harmful effects and devastation that viewing pornography brings into your life. I have shared my testimony of how pornography addiction nearly destroyed everything in my life… my marriage, my job, my health, and my position in the local church.
Today I want to write to you, man to man, brother to brother. If you are caught up in a secret habit of pornography it is time to take a stand and bring it to the light. I know what you are thinking… you can never tell anyone, it would ruin everything. Your wife would be devastated, your marriage might fall apart, you might lose your job, you might be shamed at church, your children… what would they think?
You need to understand something… all of those thoughts are not your own… they are whispers from an enemy that wants to destroy EVERYTHING in your life. You see the enemy wants you to keep everything hidden away in the darkness, this is where sin grows. They know if you bring your habit into the light of day, the hold it has over you will evaporate.
Believe me, I understand how incredibly difficult it is to tell ANYONE about a secret porn addiction… but that is exactly what you need to do, before it is too late. If you find yourself mindlessly watching porn with deep levels of regret afterwards you are addicted my friend… and just like any other addiction you need to take it very seriously.
At this point there is no question in my mind, if this article was written for you, that you desperately want help, you desperately want to quit this habit for good. So where do you go from here? The first step is to STOP watching porn, which means you will need to get some digital protection on your devices… RIGHT NOW. There are many programs that help in this area, but as you may know from reading my blog, I highly recommend Covenant Eyes which I have personally used for years with great success. Get something installed on your devices as soon as possible, you need to put defensive walls up quickly.
Next you need to come clean about your addiction, this is going to be the toughest step at first… but once you take it… the most exhilarating and life changing. You have to decide who you are going to share your struggle with. My advice is to seek out trusted counsel within your local church, preferably a member of the Pastoral staff. Most churches today either have programs to help you, or a list of other churches in the area that do. Once you have sat down with your Pastor, it is time to prayerfully approach your wife. You need to be honest with her about your addiction, and commit to her that you will get the help you need. Show her the steps you have already taken (the software and the support group), deeply apologize to her – she will be in a lot of emotional pain at first… but if you approach her prayerfully it is my hope she will come along side you to support you in your recovery.
You need to realize something very important, in most everyone’s eyes pornography IS a form of adultery… it is certainly the case in your wife’s mind. This means, Biblically speaking, she has every right to divorce you. Let that sink in for a moment. She could divorce you, take your children and she would have every right to do so. This is the incredibly dark and destructive nature of sin… particularly sexual sin. So it is VERY important that you get on your knees in prayer to the Lord before you have that conversation with your wife.
The last thing I want to encourage you to do is download and read my ebook Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction. This book is free and a very quick read… it outlines everything I have done to break free of porn. When Jesus shattered those chains in my life, I knew a huge part of my ministry was going to be helping other men find that freedom.
It may seem like you are so lost in your addiction that there is no way out. OR even worse you may think you can continue to hide your addiction and no one will find out. On both of those points you are DEAD WRONG (take it from someone who has been on the path ahead of you). You are never SO lost that Jesus Christ cannot restore you… and if you continue your life of hidden sin, you WILL be discovered… it’s only a matter of when.
Brother, you don’t have to live in darkness anymore and as a Christian man God wants and expects more for you… He wants you to live a life of victory. If you want to talk one on one, you can email me anytime… I will be here. Standtallforchrist@gmail.com
Stay Strong & Stand Tall
- How Harmful is Pornography?
- Living a Secret Life of Sin?
- 5 Symptoms of Pornography Addiction
- 5 Steps to Overcoming Pornography Addiction
- Talking In Circles – Why Celebrate Recovery Works
- Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction
- 5 Signs Your Husband May Be Secretly Watching Pornography
- The Secret to True Healing…
- Podcast Episode #3: Talking to Men with Pornography Addiction
- What a Wife Should Do If Her Husband Is Caught Watching Pornography
- Porn and Your Husband: A Recovery Guide for Wives
- How Pornography Rewires Your Brain – PDF from Covenant Eyes
- E-book: Hope After Porn
- Overcome Porn: The 40 Day Challenge