What a Wife Should Do If Her Husband Is Caught Watching Pornography

joshua-rawson-harris-585942-unsplash
Photo By Joshua Rawson Harris on Unsplash

This is a very delicate subject and if you are a wife whose husband has been caught watching pornography… you are likely going through a firestorm of emotions. You probably feel betrayed, unworthy, unloved, unattractive… and it may feel like your world is crashing down around you. Every situation is different, you may have a husband who outwardly is a very dedicated Christian leader, perhaps a great father to his kids, and at some point was the husband you always dreamed of.

But something changed.

You start to take notice of certain things, you never noticed before. He has suddenly lost interest in you sexually or has become distant and detached emotionally. You may notice irritability or unstable emotions that weren’t there before. Then one day it happens, you catch him masturbating to pornography, or maybe you stumble upon his hidden pornography stored in some hidden folder on his computer… or vastly worse your children find it.

Your heart sinks, you feel sick, you cry out in a pain that can only be rivaled by a few things. You are now completely unsure of your future. If he is hiding this secret, what else is he hiding you ask yourself. Is there another woman involved? Is he planning to leave you and the kids? Does he have a second life, a mistress on the side? Why is he always running late at work?

These thoughts overwhelm you to the point that you feel completely lost, not just in life, but even in yourself. You have given everything to this man, you have loved him… sacrificed everything to be with him… have remained loyal to him… and this is the bitter result.

What do you do?

Your first instinct may be to run, to gather the kids and head for the hills. Indeed, you could even back up your decision Biblically if needed, as most would consider pornography as a form of Adultery. You tell yourself you can never trust him again, you have no idea what other lies may be tucked away in his life.

But can I offer you another path? Forgiveness. There are three things I want you to take away from this article that are VERY important.

  1. Your husband needs help. Depending on how addicted he is to pornography it could require MASSIVE measures to break free. In this moment of pain, it is hard to think of your husband as needing help, as he is the offender and you are the victim. But I would ask you to frame it differently in your mind… the ENEMY (the Devil and his minions) are the real offenders and your marriage and family are the victims. Your husband has fallen into a very deadly trap that Satan has been using since the dawn of time to destroy men. The same trap I fell into and countless others. This is NOT a “get out of jail FREE card” for your husband, he still has to accept his responsibility in this. He made his choices, and recognizing this will be the very first step on his path to recovery. However, please be aware there are forces at work trying to kill, steal and destroy EVERYTHING. Your marriage included.
  2. Your husband’s pornography addiction is not a reflection of anything you have done, the way you look, or his love for you. All the years I was addicted to porn, I still loved my wife immeasurably, I was simply lost in a world of darkness. Jesus came to my rescue and He can do the same for your husband.
  3. There is hope for a better future. Your husband can break free of pornography, millions of men have found freedom. Our testimony as Christians is always being written and when we overcome an area in our life like pornography, two things happen, God gets all the glory as He should and our testimony will help others find freedom. One day as crazy as it sounds you may be counseling other women who have caught their husbands as you have.

Now, if you want to fight for your marriage, this is what I recommend. Get on your knees and become a Prayer Warrior over your husband. The power of a praying wife CANNOT be understated. This I can speak of from experience as my Prayer Warrior Wife helped me find Christ when I was lost in Atheism and again when I was addicted to Pornography, Anger and Pride.

I remember the day vividly, just after I was caught secretly watching pornography, that my wife came into my room crying. She told me that day “Jesus never gave up on her, and she would never give up on me.” Emotion fills me as I write about it here today… what a powerful statement of love. I am so thankful that Jesus blessed me with her.

As you pray over your husband (and don’t stop) his behavior must be brought into the light. Depending on circumstances, the truth must be told to a trusted Christian friend, mentor or leader within the Church. This is something you should decide together. If your husband serves in Ministry then the Pastor must be made aware so he can decide the best path forward.

If you have just caught your husband in the act, and have yet to tell anyone, have a long conversation with him. Tell him how much he has hurt you, he needs to hear it. If you two decide to stand together against this… which is my prayer, then he is going to have to man up and fight.

Here are some resources to help you on this path dear Sister.

Additionally I want to point you to a very special blog… Tears in a Bottle “A Safe Haven for Wounded Hearts” is not only the tagline of this site but what it represents at every level. Cynthia is a living example of the healing power of Jesus Christ no matter how broken-hearted we may be, and her stories come from a place of honesty and transparency.  Please visit her site and be blessed by her writings as I have.

We recently released my new ebook “Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction” and you can get your copy completely free. All you have to do is click here or on the image below to download the free PDF now.

chains-broken

bottom-post-banner

Advertisements

Follower Appreciation Giveaway! You Could Win this Bible and Celebrate Recovery Devotional

WINNER ANNOUNCED HERE

At the end of this month, June 2018 we will be giving away a prize package to one of our blog followers, as a special THANK YOU for your readership. If you have already followed this blog VIA the WordPress FOLLOW BUTTON on the right side of this page, ALL you have to do is LIKE this POST. Then you will be entered to win these cool prizes:

Maker:0x4c,Date:2017-10-18,Ver:4,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar01,E-Y

  • A Beautiful Leather Bd NLT “Beyond Suffering Bible” from Joni Eareckson Tada
  • Celebrate Recovery 365 Daily Devotional
  • done. By Cary Schmidt
  • My Heart Christ’s Home. By Robert Boyd Munger

Beyond Suffering Bible NLT: Where Struggles Seem Endless, God’s Hope Is Infinite

“There is hardly a person who doesn’t know someone dealing with a disability, disease, chronic illness, or other form of personal suffering. The Beyond Suffering Bible is the first study Bible to directly address those who suffer and the people who love and care for them. From bestselling author, singer, and radio host Joni Eareckson Tada and the experts at Joni and Friends Christian Institute on Disability, the Beyond Suffering Bible is filled with thousands of notes and features that invite readers into a conversation about suffering and its place in each person’s life. Each feature has been carefully created to provide readers with valuable information, meaningful encouragement, and challenging applications as they encounter God’s Word.”

Maker:0x4c,Date:2017-10-18,Ver:4,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar01,E-Y
Celebrate Recovery 356 Daily Devotional – Hardcover

Celebrate Recovery 365 Daily Devotional: Healing from Hurts, Habits, and Hang-Ups

“The Celebrate Recovery Devotional is 365 original brief readings, designed as a daily reinforcement and encouragement for millions who are on the road to recovery.

Celebrate Recovery is not just a program but a means toward lasting life change, and the key to recovery is to keep the eight Christ-centered Life Principles alive. As readers engage with the devotions, they will discover the principles more firmly cemented in their daily thinking and actions, and will find ongoing support and hope for the road ahead. Each powerful devotion is a reminder of God’s goodness, grace, and redemption, and will be an inspiration to anyone struggling with old hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Start where you are. Begin today.  The  Celebrate Recovery Daily Devotional is 365 original brief readings, designed as a daily reinforcement and encouragement for millions who are on the road to recovery.

Celebrate Recovery is not just a program but a means toward lasting life change, and the key to recovery is to keep the eight Christ-centered Life Principles alive. As readers engage with the devotions, they will discover the principles more firmly cemented in their daily thinking and actions, and will find ongoing support and hope for the road ahead. Each powerful devotion is a reminder of God’s goodness, grace, and redemption, and will be an inspiration to anyone struggling with old hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Start where you are. Begin today.”

Maker:0x4c,Date:2017-10-18,Ver:4,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar01,E-Y
done. By Cary Schmidt & My Heart-Christ’s Home By Roberty Boyd Munger

done. What most religions don’t tell you about the Bible

“You are more than a body; you will live forever somewhere; And God is on the divine rescue mission to make sure your “forever” is safe with Him! If you enjoy being loved; if you enjoy gifts; if you care about where you will spend forever; and if you want to know the true message of the Bible, then you must read this book. Where will you spend forever? You owe this question some investigation.”

My Heart-Christ’s Home Expanded by Munger, Robert Boyd 

“More than ten million readers have enjoyed Robert Boyd Munger’s spiritually challenging meditation on Christian discipleship. Imagining what it would be like to have Jesus come to the home of our hearts, Munger moves room by room considering what Christ desires for us. In the living room we prepare to meet Christ daily. In the dining room we examine together what appetites should and should not control us. We even explore the closets in our lives that Christ can help us clean out. Munger’s practical and profound booklet (now revised and expanded) helps you give Christ control over all of your life.”

 

If you are not yet a follower of this blog, and want a chance to win, you have until Saturday June 30, 2018 to hit the FOLLOW BUTTON on the right AND LIKE this post.

Want an EXTRA 10 Chances to Win?

All you have to do is reblog this post or write your own post about it. When you are done, post a link to the article you wrote in the COMMENTS BELOW. This will give you an extra TEN chances to win.

PLEASE NOTE: Only followers who LIKE this post will be entered to win, that is how we will know you want to participate.

On Sunday July 1, 2018 all entries will be tallied and one random winner will be selected. The winner will be announced on Monday July 2, 2018. The prize package will be mailed out that same day via USPS Priority Mail.

GOOD-LUCK

Fellowship Friday #5 Have You Met These Christian Bloggers?

Welcome back to Fellowship Friday, a new weekly post on Stand Tall For Christ where I will share 4 Christian Bloggers with you I have met from around the world. It is my hope by doing this you will discover some of the amazing men and women doing the Lord’s work and spend time in fellowship with them. I want to encourage you to visit their blogs, follow their blogs, comment on their blogs, share their blogs and ultimately grow spiritually from the time you spend with them.

Here are this week’s bloggers:

Wisdom Treasures

Wisdom Treasures: “The internet is the most powerful tool today, every information you can think of can be found on it. Unfortunately, a large part of the content may not be friendly to the born-again Christian. Wisdom treasures is a Christian blog started by Nimuah Emmanuel Tarko to provide Christian content that can appeal to all thereby spreading the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Inside Cup

Inside Cup: “God has called me to be a writer since I was thirteen. I am answering His call by preparing myself and standing upon a foundation that is entirely made up of Him. My passion and care as a writer is toward the reader. The writing world is fascinating, but my focus is on how to talk to the reader as an individual. This is my goal as a vessel.”

Through Ink and Image

Through Ink and Image: “Without a doubt, the foundation for Through Ink and Image was set long before the blog began.  After personally battling cancer in 2007 and losing my Mom to ovarian cancer in 2008, I began chronicling my faith journey through art.”

Help Me Believe

Help Me Believe: “Questions about God, Jesus, and the Bible? You aren’t alone. In an age where 70% of teens walk away from their faith, Help Me Believe exists to strengthen the faith of the believer and answer the questions of the critic.”


Thank you for taking the time to check out these Christian authors, all doing Kingdom Work in the name of Jesus… AMEN! Check back here every Friday for another installment of Fellowship Friday with all new bloggers from around the world.

Bottom-Post-Banner

Want to submit your blog to be featured in a future edition of Fellowship Friday? Or maybe you are familiar with a blog that deserves to get noticed? Send me the information below… I do not promise to feature every site I review… but I sure do love to meet new Christian bloggers..

 

Podcast Episode #3: Talking to Men with Pornography Addiction

Podcast Banner

Episode 3 of our weekly podcast is now available, this week I have a conversation with men who struggle with pornography addiction, plus what it means to “know God”.

GET-EBOOK-BANNER

Do you have a question you would like to have answered in a future podcast? Comment below. We will try to answer as many questions as possible.

Breaking the Vicious Cycle of Sin

new-f-omartian

For many years as a Christian I struggled with the same sins over and over. This bothered me a great deal, why couldn’t I get past this? Why couldn’t I stop!? God why won’t you take this from me?? These are questions I asked myself repeatedly.

When I looked to scripture there were countless warnings against sin and even the specific issue of repeating sin. Proverbs 26:11 says “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.” Here that behavior is referred to as foolishness, but elsewhere it is warned against with stronger words like in Hebrews 10:26For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins“. That sounds pretty scary… but notice the language in Hebrews… “sinning deliberately”, the Bible makes a clear distinction between sin that you stumble into and sin that you plan and carry out.

In this article I want to share some tips with you that have helped me overcome repeated sins from my past.

  1. Learn to hate your sin. Some Christians think we should never have hate in our hearts, but that is not true. Some hate is righteous, and we should learn to hate the things that God hates and love the things that God loves. Zechariah 8:17, Psalm 5:4-5, Proverbs 13:5 (Why does God hate sin? – answer here)
  2. Take sin seriously. In American today we live in a hyper-Grace world where Christians sin repeatedly, over and over… the same old sins again and again while they “rest in the Grace of the Lord”. If we love God as we claim to, it should grieve our hearts to sin against Him, and while YES his Grace IS sufficient… this should never be used as a “get out of jail free” card by Christians. Romans 6:23, James 4:17, Mark 7:20-23, 1 John 3:4, James 1:15
  3. Identify and avoid triggers. Every sin in your life is preceded by temptations which have triggers, in other words, something that sends your mind down the path towards sin. For example, I may be standing in the grocery check out lane and see a magazine cover with a scantily clad woman. This is a trigger of lust that I am well aware of, so I have trained myself to keep my thoughts and eyes elsewhere when I am standing in those isles. Triggers can be anywhere and everywhere, the more you can identify and avoid… the stronger your defenses to temptations will become.
  4. Confess your sins to another. The Bible has many verses instructing us to confess our sins to one another, the reason… sin thrives in darkness. When you bring your sin to light it loses most of its hold over you. This could be a very scary thought but once you do it, you will begin to experience freedom from those chains that bind you. James 5:16, 1 John 1:7, James 5:14-15
  5. Assemble and accountability team. Any Christian who struggles with continued sin, should have an accountability team, a small group of trusted brothers or sisters in Christ. Their job is to be there for you, when you need them. You should have them on speed dial and when you begin to feel the temptations overcome you… CALL someone. Some simple rules… they should ALWAYS be the same sex as you and they should be spiritually mature enough to loving and truthful with you… even when it hurts your pride. Lastly you need to be open and honest with your team about the depths of your struggle. If they don’t know the extent of the problem, they won’t be properly equipped to help you fight.

You might think I purposefully set out to create lists with 5 items, but this time it just happened LOL. If you have had success over repeated sin in your life, what are some of the ways you have achieved it? Would you share your ideas in the comments below so others can grow in Christ as you have?

RESOURCES:

Bottom-Post-Banner

5 Symptoms of Pornography Addiction

dan-musat-128311-unsplash
Photo by Dan Musat via Unsplash

In today’s world, particularly in America, it is commonplace and widely acceptable to watch pornography. So much so, that many wives have accepted the fact that their husbands have porn collections around the house or on the computer. Friends openly joke about it as it has become a cultural norm. Even popular shows like Game of Thrones have scenes every episode that would have been considered pornography just a few decades ago.

Thankfully within the Christian community there still remains some semblance of reality as it pertains to the destructive nature of pornography. Sadly that doesn’t mean Christians are exempt from its harmful effects, in fact the opposite is true, as a large number of men in the Church secretly and some openly watch pornography on a regular basis.

In a recent Men’s group I was leading, there were about 8 men, and I asked them to be honest and raise their hand if they were currently watching pornography. Half of the men raised their hands and half of those men didn’t believe there was anything wrong with it!

As I have written over and over, pornography is one of the deadliest addictions facing our world today (not physically but spiritually). Many men who watch regularly still don’t consider it an addiction, and so they keep watching over and over and over. Identifying the problem as an addiction puts it in a new category of personal issues they have to deal with, so many men actively avoid this truth as they embrace their secret or open sin.

Right now however I want to address the men or women who watch pornography and truly wonder if they might be facing an addiction in their life.

Here are 5 symptoms of Pornography Addiction:

  1. You frequently watch pornography and hide this activity from your wife/girlfriend (or husband/boyfriend).
  2. You find it more difficult to perform sexually with your spouse, but have no problems while watching porn.
  3. All sense of reason and logic leave you when have a sudden urge to watch porn. The possibility of losing your Marriage or other serious consequences have no power to stop you.
  4. You feel deep shame and regret after watching pornography but still find yourself returning to it over and over.
  5. You often feel powerless over the urges to watch porn when they overtake you. You want to stop but still find yourself going back, often times when life is most stressful.

If this describes you, I want to encourage you to seek help immediately. The enemy uses shame and guilt to make sure your secret sin stays hidden, and the only way to disable this common trap is to expose it to as much light as possible.

“Sin cannot live in the light as it is a product of darkness.”

If you are a Christian reading this, seek trusted counsel from your Church leadership and prayerfully prepare yourself for the next important step: telling your wife or husband and fighting for your Marriage.

There are a lot of resources here on this blog to help you fight your way free of this addiction, but most importantly I want you to know… you are not alone. If you want to talk with someone in confidence, I will listen, and I will not judge you. We are Brothers in Arms on the same battlefield, in the same fox hole.

“My name is Keith, I a faithful follower of Jesus Christ,
and I struggle with lust and pornography”

Resources:

GET-EBOOK-BANNER

We recently released my new ebook “Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction” and you can get your copy completely free. All you have to do click the image above or below to download the free PDF.

chains-broken

Bottom-Post-Banner

Living a Life of Victory

archives images-banner

This is a collection of STFC articles and resources on Living a Life of Victory in Jesus Christ. More will be added here as they are written. You will always find a link to this article on the front page of the website.

ARTICLES: