5 Signs Your Husband May Be Secretly Watching Pornography

pornography-addiction
Photo Credit: Andrew Neel, Unsplash

This article is one of a series I plan to release in the hopes of helping men (and women) break free of the bondage of pornography addiction. Now the title and content of this article may offend some men, especially men with a hidden addiction to pornography. But the reality is quite simple, until the dark habit of viewing porn is brought into the light you cannot be free of the chains that bind you.

Men, you can be angry with me for writing this article, but if it helps get you on the path to freedom it is worth it… no matter how painful those first few steps may be.

To the wives and girlfriends reading this article

I want to share a few things with you before I get started. First pornography addiction is very much like all other addictions (drugs, food, alcohol, gambling) in the way chemical reactions take over the mind and body of the addicted. However, I believe that pornography addiction is the worst of ALL addictions especially when it comes to the utter destruction it brings in its wake. The man in your life who suffers with this addiction needs help. It is my hope that this article will help shed some light in dark places, and expose the problem if it exists.

Second, you need to understand something… your man probably (I cannot say definitively) loves you very much and his viewing of pornography is NOT a result of anything you did or did not do. It does NOT mean he has stopped loving you, your children or your marriage. It does NOT mean he does not desire you any more. It does NOT mean he doesn’t find you attractive.

When men watch pornography their brains literally get re-wired and what was once normal thinking, becomes tainted and twisted… logic plays no part in the thinking process when you are lost in lust.

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Lust held me in its chains from the age of 7 years old, when I happened upon hardcore pornography on an old VHS tape. You want to know the scary part? If I try I can still recall those images in vivid detail 39 years later. That is the powerful effect that porn has on a young mind. When I came to Jesus Christ 11 years ago, I still had a pornography addiction that was out of control… the only difference was I became keenly aware of the deadly sin in my life. It was such a struggle… watch porn, masturbate secretly, be overcome with grief and shame… wash and repeat. Over and Over. It was an absolute nightmare.

I only share this with you to give you a glimpse into the mind of someone previously lost in this addiction. You may not know that your man watches porn, but I can tell you this… most men either have or currently do watch it regularly… not all but MOST. So what are some warning signs you should look out for?

Here are 5 Signs Your Husband May Secretly Be Watching Pornography:

  1. The Clicking Mouse. Does your man have his computer in an office or room away from others? When you walk near or past the room do you hear the mouse clicking, when before it was silent? Does he always seem to be clicking away when you walk in the room? If he is secretly watching porn, he is closing browsers to cover up his behavior.
  2. Clean Browsing History. Does he always keep his browsing history clean? If you don’t know how to check it… simply google “how to check browsing history in google chrome” or whatever browser he uses. Today every browser has a private browsing feature that he can turn on anytime he wants to keep his habit a secret. But I never used that in my addiction, I would simply wipe the browsing history.
  3. Hidden Movies and Images. Many men will hide porn on their computer… they will find a nice folder deep within the file structure on their hard drive and tuck away videos and images for future “use”. If you open file explorer you can do a search for many of the most popular file type extensions like – .jpg, .png, .gif for images and .mov, .mpg, .avi for movies. If you select the hard drive and search those file types… it will bring up everything in those hard to find folders. Now I am NOT suggesting you become a super spy and secretly logon to your man’s computer to start digging for hidden porn. However, there may be a commonly used computer that can be checked. If it is there, you should know about it.
  4. Secretive Phone Use. Does your man take his smart phone with him everywhere? Even the bathroom? Does he quickly put it down, or close the screen when you walk in the room? These may be signs he is viewing porn on his device.
  5. Erectile Dysfunction. Pornography addiction and the frequent masturbation that follows commonly results in poor sexual performance. The reason is simple, the mind and body becomes adjusted to a quick fix… and after a while it generally only responds to the drug of choice. Keep in mind, there are countless reasons a man may be having performance issues… like being overweight, having diabetes, growing older etc. It should NOT be automatically assumed the source of the problem is pornography. But IF pornography is an issue, when he kicks the habit for good, his mind will be rewired back to normal and he will eventually be restored in this area.

The intent of this article is NOT to create an Army of super-detective spy women who go about accusing their men of watching porn!

The intent is to give you an awareness that you may not have had before. If your man is caught in this addiction, he needs your help, he needs your love and he needs your unyielding support. This might be the hardest thing in the world for you to provide, because when a man watches porn his wife often feels betrayed… just as if he had an affair with another woman… and I do not condemn those thoughts.

What I am asking you to do, is SEE THROUGH those thoughts… to what’s really at play here. Do you know that pornography is one of the Devils greatest weapons? He prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He uses all sorts of deadly attacks to bring people down and this particular weapon is DEADLY beyond belief. Don’t see your husband as an unloving, uncaring, adulterous, ____________. See your husband as a man lost in SIN (Romans 3:23) and facing an enemy daily that he is too weak to overcome (Mark 14:38). An enemy that has been destroying the lives of men from the dawn of time.

How should you respond when you find out your husband has a secret addiction to porn? Pray for him, love him, support him, stand with him. Jesus died on a cross 2,000 years ago for ALL OF OUR SINS past, present and future (1 Peter 3:18). At this time, your husband needs you, he needs Jesus and he needs to FIGHT for your marriage, for your children and for your family. HE NEEDS HELP. It is in the darkest moments of life, that we need to become warriors. Prayer warriors that won’t back down when the devil tries to take everything from us. Now is the time to become that warrior.

In the upcoming weeks I will be releasing more articles to equip you for the battle ahead. The next one will be directed at your man… it will be a heart to heart from one man to another. I will challenge him to be a man and take a stand for is family.

After that I will publish a long list of tools and resources you can use to get through this. Dear sister, there is HOPE… and His name is Jesus Christ.

Here are some other resources you might find helpful

Stay Strong & Stand Tall

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Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction

As of Wednesday August 15, 2018 I am now making my ebook “Shattering the Chains of Sexual Addiction” available freely to everyone. You no longer have to join the mailing list, you only have to click to download today.

CLICK THIS LINK TO DOWNLOAD NOW. ABSOLUTELY FREE.

This book has everything I used to achieve freedom from sexual bondage in my life… not to say it is game over, because believe me it is game on every time I leave the house! But for decades I lived a life of complete addiction to lust and pornography, masturbating several times a day, watching all manner of pornographic material. It nearly destroyed my life in every way.

In this short ebook I take you step-by-step through the process that helped me achieve victory. It won’t take you long to read and is jammed with resources I wish I had decades ago. If the information in this ebook helps just one person find victory, than my prayers will be answered.

By the way, when you download the ebook you also get USAGE RIGHTS with it, meaning you can give it away on your site as an incentive as much as you like… you cannot however charge people money for it, it must be freely given.

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Talking In Circles – Why Celebrate Recovery Works

The first time I went to a Celebrate Recovery night, I didn’t know what to expect. The only thing I knew, was I needed help… DESPERATELY. My life was out of control and I was on the verge of losing EVERYTHING. I was stressed out at my job, nearly had a stroke in the ER, my marriage was on the verge of collapse and my position as a leader in the church was gone. All because of my secret sin of pornography.

I found this church online that was hosting CR, so I went. When I walked into the room, there was a huge circle of chairs, and before the night started we had a total of 43 men (3 of them leaders) in that circle. I know because I counted. Not sure why, just curious I guess.

As they went around the room they would introduce themselves….Hi my name is Bob and I struggle with Drugs and Alcohol… HI BOB, Hi my name is Steve and I suffer with Lust and Pride…. HI STEVE Around the circle it went and got to me… Hi my name is Keith and I struggle with Lust, Pornography, Anger and Pride… HI KEITH.

What struck me most that first night, besides the sheer size of the circle, was how many other men struggle with Pornography and Lust… nearly 3/4 of the room! What strikes me most today as I reflect on those days… is that by the end of our 12 Step Study, only 11 of us remained. Many times I have wondered what happened to those other 29 men, and where they are today. My prayer is that they found the help they were looking for.

What I want to really talk about in this article however, is the CIRCLE of Celebrate Recovery and why/how it works. To be honest I thought it was a bunch of nonsense at first… I mean here I am spilling my guts to a bunch of strangers about all my problems and no one EVER chimes in to give me advice or help me out! They keep saying “we are not here to fix you, we are only here to support you” BLAH BLAH BLAH! What I need is some friggin advice people! How do I fix my life???? HELLO?

But guess what? Sitting here right now, looking back on the last two years… those circles of trust are THE most important part of Celebrate Recovery… at least they were for MY recovery. To this day I can’t really explain HOW, but something about telling a bunch of men your deepest darkest secrets and NOT Being judged is incredibly therapeutic. In fact, not only are you NOT judged, but whenever I would share… I would glance around the circle as I shared the worst parts of me, and see nothing but nodding heads! These people understood me, because in many ways they WERE me.

Not to put down professional counseling, but recently I visited a “Professional” to get help with myself and marriage… and this guy was 32 years old… many years my junior. He wasn’t married and didn’t have a girlfriend!!! Yet HE was supposed to understand my issues? Needless to say I got very little from my time there.

If you have been around me much or even read some of my writings you might think I am a paid endorser of Celebrate Recovery. I am not. But I am someone who’s life was saved by Jesus Christ THROUGH Celebrate Recovery and for THAT REASON I will stand on every hillside and shout about how great this program really is.

Stay Strong & Stand Tall

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How Jesus Christ Saved My Life

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As you may have discovered if you have been looking around my blog, Jesus Christ has saved my life. For 35 years I was an Atheist and for many of those years in bondage to lust and an addiction to pornography.

Today, at the age of 46 I can loudly proclaim that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and the God of first, second and fifteenth chances! He has forgiven my sins, shattered the stronghold of pornography in my life, restored my marriage and given me the promise of eternal life.

He is a God who can restore any life, and rebuild any shattered mess you find yourself in. Whether you suffer from anxiety, depression, fear, anger, lust, addiction to drugs, alcohol, co-dependency, eating disorders, financial ruin, grief, physical pain or any other affliction… Jesus Christ alone is the answer to a new and victorious life.

Does your life feel out of control? Hopeless? Do you feel like there is no way out? Do you feel like the pain is too much to handle? Do you just want to give up? Do you want to run away or even have thoughts of ending it all? I know I have. Life can be filled with pain and grief and unless or until we learn to find the one way to cope with the trials and tribulations of life… there will be no end to it. Life will continue to be a vicious cycle and we will sink further and further into a pit of despair.

If this sounds like your reality, let me share something with you… something that will change your life forever. There is a God who created all that you see in the universe. He created you, a unique being in all of His creation… there has never been another like you and never will be. Your DNA is yours alone. That same God knows and loves you more than anything else. He wants to have a personal loving relationship with you… but He wants you to come freely into His arms.

You have a choice to make, we all do. Turn away from God and face the world on our own, or turn towards God and leap into His waiting arms. You may look back on your life and your story is unique… but let me ask you… how has life been so far, doing things your way? When I asked that question of myself, I realized very quickly that I hated the life I had created under my own power. It was littered with destruction as a result of my sinful choices and I knew there had to be a better way.

Once you accept that you are hopelessly lost where you are, cry out to God and ask Him to forgive you for your life of sin… put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ and you too will be freely given the gift of eternal salvation. Not only that, but this call to faith will invite the Holy Spirit of God to come into your life and be your guide and counselor. You will learn to leave all of your worries, anxieties, fears, and old habits at the foot of the cross… and in time you will know what it means to walk in Victory.

You will become renewed, a new creation and as you walk side by side with Jesus your life will start to look more and more like His. Brother or Sister, if something you read above has appealed to you, or has described your life I want to encourage you to reach out to God right now, right where you are!

You can begin this new walk, this new chapter of your life this very moment… God is waiting. If you would like, it would be my honor to pray for you. You can leave a comment below and I will pray for you right away, or if you prefer privacy you can send a prayer request to standtallforchrist@gmail.com

Stay Strong & Stand Tall

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5 Steps to Overcoming Pornography Addiction

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Over the years I have openly discussed my struggle with Pornography Addiction and lust. During that time I have discovered that this particular addiction is far more prevalent than I ever imagined. In fact MOST men suffer from some type of sexual desires that are outside of God’s design for intimacy. If you are unclear as to how harmful pornography can be please read my previous article on the subject.

In this article I want to focus on SOLUTIONS, so I have put together a list of 5 action items you can start today that will help you break free and stay free from the bondage of lust. Here are the 5 steps in the order I recommend taking them, I will elaborate on each step below:

  1. Deepen your relationship with Jesus Christ.
  2. Heal the wounds of your past.
  3. Assemble your Accountability Team.
  4. Put strong defenses in place.
  5. Share your struggle openly.

Step #1: Deepen your relationship with Jesus Christ

To be very clear there is one primary reason we get lost in sin. There may be many contributing factors, but one underlying REASON. We do not love God… as much as we can. The closer we draw near to God, the more we will want to honor him with our thoughts, bodies and actions.

If you are honest with yourself, and this is a critical step… you have to approach this with HONESTY… you will admit that when you are lost in pornography you have wandered far from Jesus. You will just feel spiritually weak as you drift further from his presence. That small voice inside, the Holy Spirit who urges you to do the right thing, will become barely audible the more you feed the desires of your flesh.

So your first step on the road to freedom is to spend more time with Jesus. This is the only way to deepen a relationship. Share your thoughts and feelings with him daily and ask him for guidance in all that you do. He loves you and is waiting with open arms. You have being doing life on your terms for how long? As Dr. Phil would say, how’s that working out for ya? It’s time to RUN into the arms of Jesus. What are you waiting for?

Step #2 Heal the Wounds of Your Past

You will never experience true freedom until you have healed the wounds of your past. Earlier I mentioned there are many contributing factors to pornography addiction and lust. Normally these are rooted in past experiences from our childhood. In this step you have to take a detailed personal inventory of who has hurt you and how you have hurt others. You want to find a quiet place where you can be alone and start at your earliest memories. Write down who hurt you, when and what they did. Create another list of who you hurt, when and what you did. When I did my inventory it was 36 pages long! The deeper you dig, the more healing you will experience.

After you finish your inventory you NEED to share it with a trusted person who won’t judge you, and then you need to completely forgive all the people who have hurt you and forgive yourself for all the wrongs you have committed. I really don’t recommend you do all of this on your own, I recommend finding a Celebrate Recovery program in your area. This is the same Christ-Centered 12 step recovery program I used and it was an amazing experience. Most cities have several meeting groups and times.

Step #3 Assemble your accountability team

If you go through Celebrate Recovery they will encourage and help you develop an accountability team. If you are going this on your own, you need to enlist members of your Church for help. Your accountability team needs to be about 2-3 trusted Christians of the same sex as you. Preferably people who have experience in your area of struggle but even better if they have some victory behind them. These people must not judge you as you share your most intimate lustful thoughts with them. They must hold you accountable when you act out and lovingly guide you back on track. For your part, you MUST be completely open and honest with them about your struggle. DO NOT HIDE YOUR BEHAVIORS or what is the point of this whole process? Do you want to be free or continue in bondage? BE OPEN. BE HONEST.

Step #4 Put strong defenses in place

Now that you are working on a closer relationship with Jesus, are working towards full healing from your past and have your accountability team in place… it is time to mount your defenses! It is a WARZONE out there and the enemy wants to destroy your marriage, crush your family, take away your livelihood and kill you!!! Are you willing to let the enemy take everything from you? It is time to MAN UP, STAND UP and PREPARE TO FIGHT! Your Marriage, Your Family, Your Ministry, Your Job and Your LIFE depends on it.

It IS THAT SERIOUS.

First thing, get some accountability software on your computer and devices RIGHT NOW! There are many choices on the market, and the one I have used for years is Covenant Eyes it only costs $15/month and you can load it on unlimited devices and computers. When you get it installed, set up your accountability team to receive its reports each week.

Next, evaluate dangerous territory and triggers in your life. BE HONEST. Can you watch TV alone safely? Can you use Social Media responsibly? What about your smart phone? Is it safe in your hands? If you have to leave something completely behind, DO IT! The stakes are too high. Be HIGHLY aware of dangerous places… do not frequent GYMS, or BEACHES as they will be filled with scantily clad women. Be smart about the choices you make. Do not put yourself in places where you are alone with a woman who is not your wife… even in places that seem innocent, like CHURCHES.

PLEASE do not think you have the willpower to do this on your own. You Do NOT! That is why you are addicted to pornography in the first place. You need to rely on Jesus Christ and submit your will to his. Give up many things in order to save the most important things in your life.

Step #5 Share your struggle openly

This final step will help you maintain a life of freedom from sexual lust and bondage. Sin likes to be hidden in dark corners of your life, places where people won’t see what you’re doing. The more you keep hidden the more destructive the consequences when it finally comes to the light. AND IT WILL COME TO THE LIGHT. God is merciful and God is very patient. But if you do not start taking the steps I have outlined above right now… it is only a matter of time before God intervenes and brings all of your hidden sin into the spotlight.

What has helped me greatly is being very transparent about my struggle, not just with my accountability team, but with the world. It seems the more people that know my struggles the more support I have in this battle. So I encourage you to live your life openly and honestly and talk frequently about your journey.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I write this article mostly geared towards men, as they are more commonly snared by the trap of pornography. But increasingly more and more women are becoming addicted, so this article is really for everyone. It is my prayer that you decide today, right now to be free from this terrible curse in your life. As you take these five steps you will begin to find small victories that will build up to large ones. Soon you will have days, weeks, months and years behind you since you watched pornography.

Then one day your testimony of freedom will point right up to Jesus Christ and give him all the glory. AMEN!

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Note: If you have further questions or need more support please don’t hesitate to reach out to me here. God Bless You!

 

Stay Strong & Stand Tall

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Feeling Hopeless or Unloved?

Living a Life of Hidden Sin

As you may have discovered if you have been looking around my blog, Jesus Christ has saved my life. For 35 years I was an Atheist and for many of those years in bondage to lust and an addiction to pornography. Today, at the age of 46 I can loudly proclaim that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and the God of first, second and fifteenth chances! He has forgiven my sins, shattered the stronghold of pornography in my life, restored my marriage and given me the promise of eternal life.

He is a God who can restore any life, and rebuild any shattered mess you find yourself in. Whether you suffer from anxiety, depression, fear, anger, lust, addiction to drugs, alcohol, co-dependency, eating disorders, financial ruin, grief, physical pain or any other affliction… Jesus Christ alone is the answer to a new and victorious life.

Does your life feel out of control? Hopeless? Do you feel like there is no way out? Do you feel like the pain is too much to handle? Do you just want to give up? Do you want to run away or even have thoughts of ending it all? I know I have. Life can be filled with pain and grief and unless or until we learn to find the one way to cope with the trials and tribulations of life… there will be no end to it. Life will continue to be a vicious cycle and we will sink further and further into a pit of despair.

If this sounds like your reality, let me share something with you… something that will change your life forever. There is a God who created all that you see in the universe. He created you, a unique being in all of His creation… there have been no others like you and never will there be another. Your DNA is yours alone. That same God knows and loves you more than anything else. He wants to have a personal loving relationship with you… but He wants you to come freely into His arms.

You have a choice to make, we all do. Turn away from God and face the world on our own, or turn towards God and leap into His waiting arms. You may look back on your life and your story is unique… but let me ask you… how has life been so far, doing things your way? When I asked that question of myself, I realized very quickly that I hated the life I had created under my own power. It was littered with destruction as a result of my sinful choices and I knew there had to be a better way.

Once you accept that you are hopelessly lost where you are, cry out to God and ask Him to forgive you for your life of sin… put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ and you too will be freely given the gift of eternal salvation. Not only that, but this call to faith will invite the Holy Spirit of God to come into your life and be your guide and counselor. You will learn to leave all of your worries, anxieties, fears, and old habits at the foot of the cross… and with time you will know what it means to walk in Victory.

You will become renewed, a new creation and as you walk side by side with Jesus your life will start to look more and more like His. Brother or Sister, if something you read above has appealed to you, or has described your life I want to encourage you to reach out to God right now, right where you are!

You can begin this new walk, this new chapter of your life this very moment… God is waiting. If you would like, it would be my honor to pray for you. You can leave a comment below and I will pray for you right away, or if you prefer privacy you can send a prayer request to standtallforchrist@gmail.com

God Bless You

Stay Strong & Stand Tall

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How Harmful Is Pornography?

We have all heard about the destructive power of drug addictions and even food addictions and obesity, but rarely do we hear or talk about the largest addiction problem the world faces: Pornography.

The destructive force of pornography is something that seems to be a taboo subject in our culture. We can look at statistics and discover why the people profiting from it want to keep it under wraps… but why does society in general? Why is there this notion that there is nothing wrong with Pornography? Or that “everyone” is looking at it, so what’s the big deal?

In this article, I want to explore the devastating effects you may have never considered about Pornography and Porn Addiction, then I hope to offer some solutions and resources for those who struggle with it daily.

Before we get started take a look at some numbers collected by Brigham Young University:

  • GENERAL PORNOGRAPHY STATISTICS:
  • Size of the Industry $57.0 billion world-wide – $12.0 billion US
  • Adult Videos $20.0 billion
  • Escort Services $11.0 billion
  • Magazines $ 7.5 billion
  • Sex Clubs $ 5.0 billion
  • Phone Sex $ 4.5 billion
  • Cable & Pay Per View $ 2.5 billion
  • Internet $ 2.5 billion
  • CD-Rom $ 1.5 billion
  • Novelties $ 1.0 billion
  • Other $ 1.5 billion
  • Porn revenue is larger than all combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises.
  • US porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion)
  • Child pornography generates $3 billion annually
  • INTERNET PORN STATISTICS:
  • Pornographic websites 4.2 million (12% of total websites)
  • Pornographic pages 372 million
  • Daily pornographic search engine requests 68 million (25% of total search engine requests)
  • Daily pornographic emails 2.5 billion (8% of total emails)
  • Average daily pornographic emails/user 4.5 per Internet user
  • Monthly Pornographic downloads (Peer-to-peer) 1.5 billion (35% of all downloads)
  • Daily Gnutella “child pornography” requests 116 thousand
  • Websites offering illegal child pornography 100 thousand
  • Sexual solicitations of youth made in chat rooms 89%
  • Youths who received sexual solicitation 20%
  • Worldwide visitors to pornographic web sites 72 million annually
  • CHILDREN’S EXPOSURE TO PORNOGRAPHY:
  • Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography 11 years old
  • Largest consumer of Internet pornography 12-17 age group
  • 15-17 year olds having multiple hard-core exposures 80%
  • 8-16 year olds having viewed porn online 90% (most while doing homework)
  • 7-17 year olds who would freely give out home address 29%
  • 7-17 year olds who would freely give out email address 14%
  • Children’s characters linked to thousands of porn links 26 (including Pokeman and Action Man)

It is my hope that after you read these statistics your eyes are opened to the massive problem we are facing. These statistics do not even begin to uncover all of the damage done to families across the world, relationships, and individuals being exploited within the industry itself.

Because of the rampant explosion and accessbility of online porn, there have not been many studies of the overall effects, but all of the studies that have been done show pornography to be highly addictive, in a very real and chemical way.

According to WebMD:
In November 2004, a panel of experts testified before a Senate subcommittee that a product which millions of Americans consume is dangerously addictive. They were talking about pornography.The effects of porn on the brain were called “toxic” and compared to cocaine. One psychologist claimed “prolonged exposure to pornography stimulates a preference for depictions of group sex, sadomasochistic practices, and sexual contact with animals.”

And Psychology Today:
In a 2004 testimony before the United States Senate, Dr. Jill Manning shared some interesting data regarding pornography and relationships. In her research she found that 56 percent of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.

Every year for the past decade there have been roughly 1 million divorces in the United States. If half of the people divorcing claim pornography as the culprit, that means there are 500,000 marriages annually that are failing due to pornography.

As a man who struggled with pornography addiction for years, I can tell you it is VERY real. In fact, to this day I still have to be on guard every single day and take measures to avoid and control urges when they arise. There is a fantastic book on this subject called “Every Man’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. It is written from a Christian perspective and offers great advice for ALL men on how to avoid sexual temptation. It comes with my highest recommendation, I have read the book and use the tools inside in my daily walk with Christ and believe in what it teaches.

Now, let’s take a moment and discuss how men and women differ when it comes to pornography and sexual tempation. Men are wired differently than women. Men are very visual creatures, meaning the simplest and most innocent of images can trigger sexual temptation. Not always but certainly sometimes and you never know when it’s going to happen. Your husband, or boyfriend could be innocently reading his Facebook news feed one moment, catch an image of one of his “Facebook friends” in a skimpy bathing suit and BOOM just like that, a switch is thrown in his body, chemical processes start to take place and urges begin to well up. The next thing you know he is visiting one of his favorite free porn sites he has visited a thousand times before. Women however get more stimulation from erotic fantasy… meaning they would rather read a story then look at an x-rated photo. If they watch pornography they usually prefer story-driven films as opposed to just sex scenes.

When we understand how men and women differ as to what causes them to be tempted sexually, it is easy to imagine why the internet is so much more dangerous for men, than women (as far as sexual temptations go). You will be hard pressed to surf online for more than 5 minutes and not find scantily clad women in innocent photos, advertisements or videos or actually viewing sexually related material, inadvertently or not. Erotic stories however are much more difficult to stumble upon.

So how far-reaching is the destructive power of pornography? Let’s list some areas:

  • Family units and relationships – pornography is linked to nearly HALF of all divorces, meaning broken homes and children suffering from the loss of a parent.
  • Human trafficking – 300,000 children per year in the US are at risk of being used for sexual exploitation – The Covering House
  • STD Transmission among porn actors – Only 17% of heterosexual pornography utilizes condoms. Just 2 of the 200 Adult Film Companies require the use of condoms, and many of the others require performers to NOT use condoms for continued employment. – Covenant Eyes
  • Desensitization – Studies are beginning to show that those who frequent porn sites are more likely to view sex strictly as a physical activity and women as sex objexts. – APA

Probably the single biggest stumbling block we face as a nation, as a society, as a culture is that the vast majority of the population doesn’t even believe pornograpy is a problem in the first place. We know that we have a drug problem, a drunk driving problem, an underage pregnancy problem, an obesity problem… we are easily able to identify MOST other major problems we face. So what is stopping us from recognizing pornography for what it is, purely destructive and dangerous on every level?

This is a tough question, which probably has many different answers or contributing factors… but what I have noticed in the past 30 years is a severe drop in moral standards of right and wrong. Behavior that was taboo 30 years ago is applauded today. Is this going to change? Are we going to find our way back as a nation? No, we are too far gone. But what we can do is educate people on this particular problem and raise awareness levels, which is why I am writing this article.

If you are in a married or committed relationship and feel you have a problem with pornography in your life, the rest of this article is for you. Just like any other addiction or temptation you can overcome the desire to watch porn in your life and as a result avoid damaging your relationship any further. You can also begin to repair and build trust again with your partner when they see you are willing to take positive steps in this area.

Here are the steps I have taken in my life that have brought me great success:

  • Pray and meditate on the Word of God. Always take problems like this to God first and if you feel sexual urges begin to build up inside, grab your Bible and start reading Scripture. This helps me 99% of the time to divert my mind and get me back on track spiritually.
  • Covenant Eyes -This software is INVALUABLE for me. Once installed it eliminates the chance of visiting a porn website on your computer, and even blocks images that are questionable and may cause you to be tempted sexually. It is available for all devices. It does have an monthly subscription, but it is very affordable and absolutely effective in what it sets out to accomplish.
  • Bounce the eyes, this is a trick I learned from the book I recommended earlier “Every Man’s Battle”. The basic exercise goes like this, if you see anything in your day that COULD potentially be a trigger for sexual temptation – immediately bounce or move your eyes in another direction. Once you learn to do this repeatedly, it will become natural and will instantly put you in the right frame of mind and identify the sin you were about to partake in.
  • Push away. Safe Eyes is a great tool but it will not stop 100% of the sexually tempting material you could come across on your internet travels. For this reason I have learned to push quickly away from my computer when I see something like this, and leave the computer. Treat it almost like a bee sting, jump up and move away. This gives you time to gather your thoughts, change your frame of mind and go back to your computer when you are ready.
  • Be around people. If you have a computer in an office or bedroom, where you are alone with the internet for long periods of time, you may consider moving it to a common living space, where your wife or significant other is nearby frequently. This will GREATLY reduce the temptation to use internet porn in most cases… and if you are serious about kicking this habit, you should think this option over.
  • Find and use accountability partners. It is best if this partner is NOT your wife or significant other, but rather a Church Brother or Sister, that you know and trust. What you will do is confide in this person the problem you are having, and it will be their job to HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE and constantly ask you the tough questions about how you are doing on your quest. Another great feature of Safe Eyes is the ability for it to EMAIL people of your choice a report of your internet activities. If you are serious you need to be held ACCOUNTABLE.

Please remember, as with almost any area of your life that you need help, you are not alone. More men (and women) than you can imagine face the same problems with porn that you do. Myself included. If you are a member of a church inquire with them and find out if they have a small group you can join for people with similar problems. The more of a support system you build the better chance you will have to stay porn free.

Stay Strong & Stand Tall

Keith